why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
