i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
