so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
how do you play pong handcuffed?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
