I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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