no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
