Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
The best revenge is premature balding
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
