Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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