Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
