??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
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Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Come on in and take your pants off
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