my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
