dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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