the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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