Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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