In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
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My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
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Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
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