my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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