i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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