I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
