i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
