He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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