the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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