This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
