He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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