peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
