1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
