do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Actions speak louder than pants.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
