My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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