I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
