she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
