this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
