happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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