apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
