Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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