??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize