Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
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i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
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Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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