She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
