You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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