if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
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