i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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