Already got asked if we're dating
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
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