I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
