i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
