Umm I'm too high to move.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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