Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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