I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
NoShamevember. You game?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
