ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
