I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
