Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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