The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
