Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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