It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
