Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I need a beard to bite.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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