you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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