I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
