She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
you made out with another girl for some wings
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
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