I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
