...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
