Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
pray to the hookup gods
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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