All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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