would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
