Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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